Decisions, decisions, decisions! I can recall being 17 and feeling like I needed to know everything and understand everything in order for things in life to feel okay. I can remember feeling like I needed to know exactly what I needed to do in terms of my career and who I thought I needed to date for whatever reason and I feeling like I needed to have it all figured out and with no real reason as to why.
Flash forward to 21 and still having that feeling (and not that reality so imagine my dismay) and then at age 25 beginning to learn, but still feeling lesser than I should have because I did not have it all figured out ( whatever “it” is). These practices resulted in me being obsessed with perfection. The reality is I would still make mistakes and be imperfect but if I ever stopped striving for perfection I felt like my whole world was crashing down and would continue to if I did not go back to needing everything to be just perfect. Sounds crazy right? I know. I also know that for a lot of us it also sounds so familiar. So I hope that people of all ages read this and hopefully take away something from what my humble 29 years have shared with me. Mostly I hope we start living more purposeful lives and less pressured realities. That we would be more driven, not by the capacity to impress not just others but ourselves, but rather by genuine deeply rooted purpose.
Passion Purpose & Real Life
The reality is I can blab about passion from now till the damn cows come home and you and I both still have to wake up tomorrow and make sure our bills are paid and our kids and families are provided for. We still have to ensure that our responsibilities are taken care of. So I’ll start on a practical note.
We forget that we have options. We forget to implore strategy to those options and we limit ourselves by assuming we have no choice.
If you deeply loathe your job and stay in it only because you have to pay bills chances are the only thing being taken care of is your bills. You will probably be stressed, your health will probably not be at it’s best and slowly but often surely you will begin to deteriorate, bit bit by bit (I’m being blunt because this is truth). The same goes for relationships and any other area in your life thats feeds your stress hormones more than anything else. Yes be responsible but do not kill yourself in the process. What is the point of having life if you’re spending most of your days speeding up your moment in the grave?
If your environment in marriage, your job, familial situation or whatever else you may have going on, is really affecting you it is time to employ and exit strategy and get serious about taking charge of your life. Sometimes you need to just quit and lose it all in order to get a grip because you are so far gone. While it’s not easy or simple, it’s a damn good teacher and I promise you will learn from it and arise from the depths with fresh eyes. If all or nothing is not for you, however, start to plan – take your time to asses the options even the ones you thought were unattainable initially.
Free your mind to the reality of limitless possibility. Assess where you want to be at the end of everything and work backwards. Literally sit down and write it out. It does not matter if it’s not in perfect order, what matters is that you can sit down and visually assess where you are, where you want to be and how you will get there. Why take the chance? If you want a better life you might want to take a step in a different direction. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result is madness. Habits Create Reality – Change the Habit and Change the Reality.
Who Defines Your Why?
We often don’t realize how much society has written upon what was once probably considered our blank slates or as the philosopher Locke put it our “tabula rasa“. Our parents shape us first, then our socialization in schools and recreation as well our peers and then the list goes on.
For some of us we have already settled into thoughts of incapability because someone fed us a concept and we chose to believe it. We assumed we would never be rich or happy or beautiful or whatever because we decided to believe what someone else or many others told us. We did not even realize we had a choice sometimes we just took what was fed, to us ingested it without digesting and breaking it down for what it really was and it now sits in the annals of our minds posing as a foundation when it’s actually a faulty fallacy ridden framework for an unfulfilling life.
Coincidentally, I am here to remind you that you have a choice. You can choose to abandon the things people told you about yourself, your life and what you are or are not capable of. A lot of times we have not even realized how much these things have affected us because they are so engrained in our psyche that we are no longer conscious. So how do we then begin to understand how to fix this?
Grab a pen and paper (not your phone) and write down a list of 5 to 10 things that you believe about these topics:
Next to these beliefs I want you to put and “✘” for what is false and a “✓” for what is actually true and before you do so, really think about whether the idea s actually true or you just began to believe it was because of what you were told or taught for so long.
We often to do not question things we were told from a young age until some great epiphany brings us to a eureka moment – Well consider this your eureka moment! It’s time to ask yourself important questions. If you do not understand any level of why you do what you do, you may be moving through life blindly and unhappily and wondering why you don’t feel fulfilled even though you do so much. Sit with yourself and ask yourself questions write it down if need be. Sometimes the simple act of writing helps us to put complex things into a simple perspective. Do what you need to do to learn what will make you happy. Who the hell wants to be unhappy? Why are you settling when the answers to what would cure your ills, so to speak exists with you?
You have within you the power to be the cause and the cure. Be the cure.
Why Are You in a Rush When You Have no Destination?
I’ve seen it many times. Heck I’ve been it many times. I’ve been going nowhere fast and working incredibly hard to get there and having no idea why so don’t worry I’m not judging you. I did however judge myself and eventually I had to forgive myself, throw away all of what I thought were good practices which were not and I then began to slowly replace them with learning purposeful practices. Everyone did not get it and not everyone will. I believed that I had to always work overtime. I used to believe that I had to be all things for all people at all times and that if I said “no” I was damned to hell worse than hell itself created by none other than my myself. I was my worst possible critic (and enemy) and I did not treat myself very well at all. I also felt as if I did not treat other people as nicely I would prefer to because I was in the bad habit of being so harsh towards myself – bad habits in fact all habits tend to have a trickle down effect and the effect of the previously mentioned was not good.
What was most sad about the situation was the reality that one day it hit me that I was doing so much of what I was doing with no actual reason why. I was biting off way more than I could chew because I felt I needed to. I, like so many others, was stressing myself for no good reason. I began to become so unhappy that I began to become physically sick often. My goals were subconsciously based heavily on what I had been taught or told without questioning it. I believed things about myself that were not actually true and as a result I based my value on my delusion of seeking perfection and too many of us do this.
We have listened to others for so long that many of us have forgotten or never even learnt how to listen to ourselves. We have no idea what our own voice sounds like because we have silenced it or never even noticed it was there. We have no idea how to say no without feeling guilty. We have no idea how to say no even if we do feel a little bit of guilt. We are scared that no one is going to pat us on the back if we don’t do everything they want of us. We are however, funnily enough, not afraid of self destructing which is, essentially what we are doing when we don’t take the time to listen to our minds and our bodies and the very distinct messages they send us if only we took a minute from our overly busy schedules to listen.
So let’s make a deal, take time each week to asses what you did, why you did it, what you want to do, and how you want to go about it all. Energy is not retractable, once we put it out we do not get back that exact energy we have expelled unless we invest it in the correct things. When you invest your time in the right things for your journey so much of what you do makes sense and flourishes and expands abundantly. A lot of us are making a whole lot of senseless decisions simply because we have no actual direction besides that which has been presented to us as our only options and your life has so much more value.
Finally I want to remind you of a couple things. People will always have their views of you. If your view of yourself is only about how much you impress your parents’ husband, wife, boyfriend, children or family etc, you are probably going to have a really hard time. Why? People will always have foul opinions. So you have to know why you do what you do and what your truth is. People will always have their desires for you which you may or may not enjoy fitting into but these people do not have the right to define or design your destiny(even if they birthed you).
Your genuine happiness and fulfillment matters and you are by all means allowed to and empowered enough to live the life you truly desire you have a choices. You have many choices. Always remember that.
Find value in your view of things. Find value in what you have to offer. Understand what you bring to your own table. Understand also what you bring to other’s tables. Be confident and own what you have to offer and own you journey. Each journey is valid we forget that far too often.
Lastly you are human. We have many difficult moments in our lives. We all have them so be kind to yourself while you are on your journey to your fullest most abundant life.
Dress – Un Dimanche A Paris
Hat – Urban Outfitters
Clutch – Metal Boutique
Belt – Vintage
Necklace – Metal Boutique
Photography – Khalil Goodman