True Blue – Confessions of an Ambivert.

I engaged in an interesting conversation this week with a client where we were discussing what it means to be a social individual who isn’t always social. I simply explained to her that it is called being an ‘ambivert‘ and she consequently expressed that she had never heard of the term but loved it! I felt pretty much the same way when I discovered this perfectly descriptive word.

For as long as I can remember I have always appeared to a social butterfly but when I took a moment to look back on the reality I noticed something rather out of character for what we presume a social butterfly to truly be. I was raised mostly as an only child and I have always revelled in my personal space and solo time, which I must admit, really isn’t that social. I have spats of loathing for the overwhelm that hefty social interaction brings and in those moments I very quickly get to a point where ‘escape’ to the solitude of my solo Soul Space is necessary.

So I pondered on this for a few months and thought of a few things you need to understand if you are not an ambivert and ways to thrive if you are. The fact of the matter is if you are an ambivert some level of balance is going to need to be established so you can make sure you don’t feel overwhelmed and drained 24/7.

You might wanna stop feeling guilty for saying no to going out all the time and for not being the social butterfly that you sometimes appear to be. It is perfectly fine to just be you and not the preconceived notion people my have of you. I used to have a really hard time saying no for many reasons. Subsequently one of those reasons is that I like to see people happy and thats okay but when I kept trying to be all things for all people I really became nothing much to me and that, obviously, was a problem. Essentially it’s crucial that you learn the magic of a simple, “Thank you, but no thank you.”

This next idea, is a big one because guilt can be a hell of a drug that we get hooked on without really noticing. Remember that you are not ruled by other’s perceptions and you do not need to feel guilty for doing what you want. Now hear me out, I am not saying to be selfish in fact I’m alluding to being quit the contrary. I’m saying do the things that feed your soul and clear your mind so that you can serve yourself and also so that you are better equipped to serve others. A broken down chair can not hold anyone else’s weight without deconstructing, even if, at a glance, that chair looks sturdy. If you feel like wilding out on a random Friday night go for it and if you feel like staying in do it. That’s your balance and it’s what allows you to stay productive and refill yourself when you feel overly drained. The beauty of an ambivert is their ability to fill up on their solo time as well as their social time depending on the moment, they’re multi- faceted and fuelled by engagement as well as introspection or good ole’ alone time.

My advice, however, to non ambivert personalities? Don’t be fooled or assume that ambiverts are not socially savvy because you might be highly mistaken. I actually think that most ambiverts are exceptionally socially savvy if and when they need to be, they are not afraid of people they just don’t care to be consistently immersed in sea of social interaction. Respect their space and don’t try to pin them down to one area or another as they are tied to both so to speak. Accept differences and seek to understand them rather than to assume you have their personality covered because truth be told we never have anyone’s personality completely covered. Above all things be patient. Sometimes our introvert side takes over and understanding who we are can be difficult but give it some time, we usually open up when we see that your intentions and interest come from a genuine place.

And to my fellow ambiverts? Be patient with yourself too, my experience has shown me that we often grow into ambiversion more as we get older. Some of us actually were the epitome of social pros but have evolved over time. I am a big promoter of adaptability as you’ve probably noticed if you saw my post on adaptation, and we are creatures of change, the two concepts go hand in hand. Thus we must learn to be adaptable in order to thrive within our change and that has nothing to do with being an ambivert that’s a tidbit for just about everybody.